My greatest weakness is thinking I'm stronger than I am
...aced my Stats class. I haven't gotten straight A's since I was 13, and it feels good to be a brain again! 3 more assignments and I am done. Those can wait until August or so.
With the family thing, I have a lot more peace. He just hasn't answered a prayer the way I thought it would go best. It happens.
Speaking of which, I ditched worked to hang out with an old friend from Kona. I needed a road trip. What better place than Tulare? If you know where that is, you know I am being sarcastic. I live in Santa Cruz county: where people from Tulare come to vacation. No, I'm not arrogant at all. :) Anyways, it was 100% worth it. I needed to get away, and be around people who could help me see things from a different perspective.
It started when I left YWAM and Japan. God was clear that I stay in Cali to get my credentials. So I did. And during these last two years, I sometimes have trouble seeing God's hand in all of it. The trouble is, I think I'm pretty great. I've got a lot going for me and I can do a lot of things in my own power. I shouldn't. Yes, I got through the teaching program, but in another sense, I'm even further than when I started. It began with trusting God. The more intense the work got, the more I pushed God aside. I didn't have time. The result was making many decisions without Him. Now my mind is free to think of other things, and I realize how far I've grown from the place I was two years ago; that place of trusting God. I'm wondering, how the heck did I get all the way over here? We truly are prone to wander.
It happened little by little each day. I stress, I throw a fit, and cry. Then it would turn out alright and I'd wonder why I just didn't trust Him. Then something else will come up and I'd freak out again. But wait. Didn't He want me to do this in the first place? Of course if I'm following Him, it's going to work out! Duh.
My friend Dan pretty much summed it up. We are addicted to that first tree in the garden, of the knowledge of good and evil. Did God really tell you not to eat from this tree? I love knowledge. I want to know, have control over my life and make my decisions. I want to eat that fruit because it means independence. It means my way. It also means: I am not trusting God. That he is in control, and his wisdom is far more precious and valuable than earthly knowledge. We want to do it on our own and do not trust God. We think the other plan might be better. Thankfully, there was a second tree for the second Adam... because we screwed up, and continue to screw up.
Being in a place last Wednesday where so many were so hungry for God made me remember how I used to be like that and my heart just broke. I repented immediately. The surrendering of my will should be daily. This acknowledges my trust in Him. That what He says is true and His promises come to pass. I am glad that no matter how far we travel, the pathway back home is always short.
Now that I am only three assignments away from having this paper that God wants me to have, apparently, the next question is what I do. Do I teach here, go back to Japan...or somewhere else? I look forward to finding out.
With the family thing, I have a lot more peace. He just hasn't answered a prayer the way I thought it would go best. It happens.
Speaking of which, I ditched worked to hang out with an old friend from Kona. I needed a road trip. What better place than Tulare? If you know where that is, you know I am being sarcastic. I live in Santa Cruz county: where people from Tulare come to vacation. No, I'm not arrogant at all. :) Anyways, it was 100% worth it. I needed to get away, and be around people who could help me see things from a different perspective.
It started when I left YWAM and Japan. God was clear that I stay in Cali to get my credentials. So I did. And during these last two years, I sometimes have trouble seeing God's hand in all of it. The trouble is, I think I'm pretty great. I've got a lot going for me and I can do a lot of things in my own power. I shouldn't. Yes, I got through the teaching program, but in another sense, I'm even further than when I started. It began with trusting God. The more intense the work got, the more I pushed God aside. I didn't have time. The result was making many decisions without Him. Now my mind is free to think of other things, and I realize how far I've grown from the place I was two years ago; that place of trusting God. I'm wondering, how the heck did I get all the way over here? We truly are prone to wander.
It happened little by little each day. I stress, I throw a fit, and cry. Then it would turn out alright and I'd wonder why I just didn't trust Him. Then something else will come up and I'd freak out again. But wait. Didn't He want me to do this in the first place? Of course if I'm following Him, it's going to work out! Duh.
My friend Dan pretty much summed it up. We are addicted to that first tree in the garden, of the knowledge of good and evil. Did God really tell you not to eat from this tree? I love knowledge. I want to know, have control over my life and make my decisions. I want to eat that fruit because it means independence. It means my way. It also means: I am not trusting God. That he is in control, and his wisdom is far more precious and valuable than earthly knowledge. We want to do it on our own and do not trust God. We think the other plan might be better. Thankfully, there was a second tree for the second Adam... because we screwed up, and continue to screw up.
Being in a place last Wednesday where so many were so hungry for God made me remember how I used to be like that and my heart just broke. I repented immediately. The surrendering of my will should be daily. This acknowledges my trust in Him. That what He says is true and His promises come to pass. I am glad that no matter how far we travel, the pathway back home is always short.
Now that I am only three assignments away from having this paper that God wants me to have, apparently, the next question is what I do. Do I teach here, go back to Japan...or somewhere else? I look forward to finding out.
posted by Celeste at 10:44 PM
2 Comments:
Congratulations on the A's that's tight. I feel yeah. It seems like I'm walking through some of the same stuff. i got a new phone, so im back in the game. let me know your number when u get a channce cause it kidnapped along with my old phone.
come teach in england!
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