It's just not fair. Why is it that so much of what I have hoped for is so viciously stolen from me? I get so angry. I say with my mouth that I believe He is good, and He listens to our prayers...but now my faith is really being tested. I truly believed her. That it was over...I guess patterns that old are harder to break. And I have no control over it. No matter what I say. And I trusted that I could be honest for the first time in 20 years...has my honesty made one bit of difference? I'm expected to share in the lie and act like nothing happened. Why do people willingly choose to stay in relationships that they know are unhealthy? God, I totally give up. It just makes me want to give up on all things I hope for. It's really hard for me to see the bigger picture right now. I can control school. I can control my career. I can't control this, or change it. All I can do is live my life. And right now, I want it to be far away. It's like, you're sitting there, watching soap operas all day, and you're thinking, this is the same shit over and over again. But I can change the channel.