recent update+future plans for Japan=Very Long Post
It's September, and another school year has begun for me, for my Dad, and for the precious little souls whose education is entrusted to us. I am on the last leg of an accelerated teacher credentialing program and have made the decision to persue a masters. For only 6 more units, why not? So from now until Christmas break, my daily schedule consists of student teaching followed by the After School Program where I teach art to 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders. Expect future posts concerning messy painting mishaps, long nights of writing lesson plans, and the crazy shennanigans of eight year old boys. Not too much else will be going on in my world!
About Japan...I don't know. I don't mind not knowing, because I'm at complete peace with where I am now. I don't regret turning down the job last June. I regret accepting it in haste and the disappointment it had caused others when I did decline. I often think of how different my life would be if I was living in Osaka right now...and I question the will of God. Not His sovereignty, but my understanding of His will. Whether I choose to serve Him in Japan or in Santa Cruz, am I not carrying out His will? How do I know I made the right choice...maybe they were both right.
I've come to the conclusion that they ARE both right. It's not a question of what it is that God has laid on my heart. That has been clear for a while. In this case, the question lies not in the what but the when.
So why did I turn down the opportunity of a lifetime? Is God's will to be determined solely by the "fortune" of opportunities as they present themselves?
This is how I justified my final decision:
I felt weird about it.
The opportunity was presented to me on a golden platter...it seemed too good to be true. Only a complete moron would say no. Would I ever recieve an offer like this again? But I felt weird.
Furthermore, I wasn't even originally planning to be in Japan at the time, but I was asked by my leadership to return...was this teaching job the real reason? In the past, doors to Japan have been slammed shut in my face. Now that I was on the porchstep of gaping opportunity, why did I feel so wierd about it?
As hard as it was to go back on my word, I was immediately filled with peace after I made that phone call to Japan. Maybe I shouldn't question how God speaks to me. He obviously does, just as He wants to speak to all of us. We use a variety of methods to confirm the things that God tells us. For example, the presence of peace, "signs", the wise counsel of others, His written Word (by the way--always a part of the equation). I think He speaks to us in different ways because he knows how we are all so different and need different "wake-up calls". Moses needed to see a flaming bush that wasn't being consumed. I feel wierd about things, and bring them to prayer for more guidance. And I know that His will would be that we not stress out about His will...yet at the same time, He loves when we are striving to please Him.
About Japan...I don't know. I don't mind not knowing, because I'm at complete peace with where I am now. I don't regret turning down the job last June. I regret accepting it in haste and the disappointment it had caused others when I did decline. I often think of how different my life would be if I was living in Osaka right now...and I question the will of God. Not His sovereignty, but my understanding of His will. Whether I choose to serve Him in Japan or in Santa Cruz, am I not carrying out His will? How do I know I made the right choice...maybe they were both right.
I've come to the conclusion that they ARE both right. It's not a question of what it is that God has laid on my heart. That has been clear for a while. In this case, the question lies not in the what but the when.
So why did I turn down the opportunity of a lifetime? Is God's will to be determined solely by the "fortune" of opportunities as they present themselves?
This is how I justified my final decision:
I felt weird about it.
The opportunity was presented to me on a golden platter...it seemed too good to be true. Only a complete moron would say no. Would I ever recieve an offer like this again? But I felt weird.
Furthermore, I wasn't even originally planning to be in Japan at the time, but I was asked by my leadership to return...was this teaching job the real reason? In the past, doors to Japan have been slammed shut in my face. Now that I was on the porchstep of gaping opportunity, why did I feel so wierd about it?
As hard as it was to go back on my word, I was immediately filled with peace after I made that phone call to Japan. Maybe I shouldn't question how God speaks to me. He obviously does, just as He wants to speak to all of us. We use a variety of methods to confirm the things that God tells us. For example, the presence of peace, "signs", the wise counsel of others, His written Word (by the way--always a part of the equation). I think He speaks to us in different ways because he knows how we are all so different and need different "wake-up calls". Moses needed to see a flaming bush that wasn't being consumed. I feel wierd about things, and bring them to prayer for more guidance. And I know that His will would be that we not stress out about His will...yet at the same time, He loves when we are striving to please Him.
posted by Celeste at 4:38 PM
2 Comments:
Whats up dude? Cool stuff. I am definetly goning through alot of the same stuff in my quest to japan. How did yo u link me to your site? I've been trying to get that to work. Alright hommie.
peace
so true... like, about a year ago i had a telephone interview for a marketing position at the dow jones in san francisco. it seemed like the "ideal" job... it was in marketing, it was in the US (not ashland... but, one step closer)... and, i ended up cancelling it.
even to this day i question my decision. i question whether that was God opening up the doors for me. but, every time i question myself with that .. i remember how i felt.. it just didn't feel right. i felt weird!
it's as if God aligns our conscience with His.. He gives us that sense of things "not quite been right"..
i've heard so many people talk about God's Will as if it's a tightrope (i may have said this before, so apologies if im repeating!)... and any step away off this tightrope will lead to our downfall. but really, is that how it is?? i totally disagree with this...
i think that as long as we are wanting the things of God.. and to be open to Him...then we are right in the MIDDLE of His Will. all God calls us to be is available.
i can really hear your heart about japan.. and, like you said -- it's not a case of what.. but when. when God has placed something in your heart... a vision...a passion... the majority of the time is spent in preparation.. God will open all the right doors for you chica, who knows when it'll be the right time to walk thought?
this is a super long comment! haha.. sorry :)
oh, sidenote: im going to be in the bay area in december - which is ages away.. but - yeah, we should hang out!
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